Managing grief and loss of a loved one during the holiday season can be painful, especially when the world around you seems focused on celebration, connection, and joy. Here are some gentle, practical ways to support yourself (or someone you love) through this emotionally complex time:
Acknowledge your feelings
Being aware of and acknowledging your feelings is an important part of connecting with yourself and others. During the holidays, you may feel sadness, anger, loneliness, and numbness – all of these are valid. Try to have self-compassion and not judge yourself for what you’re feeling.
Give yourself permission to feel joy
It’s okay to experience lightness, laughter, or joy even when you’re grieving. Feeling joy doesn’t mean that you’re “moving on” or forgetting your loved one. Your heart can hold both sadness and warmth at the same time.
Set realistic expectations
Pace yourself and avoid overscheduling get-togethers with friends, family, and at work. You don’t need to attend all the events; give yourself grace if you need to cancel or rest.
Communicate your needs
Let your friends and family know how you’re feeling and what you’re feeling energy for. You could say:
- “I want to come for dinner, but I’d prefer not to talk about [my loved one(s)] tonight.”
- “I’d like to see you, but I’m not feeling up to attending the party. Is there a time that just the two of us could get together?”
People often want to help but don’t know how – guiding your friends and family in your needs helps them to help you.
Seek support
Grief doesn’t have to be experienced alone. Consider:
- Talking with a trusted friend or relative
- Working with a therapist or counselor
- Joining a grief support group
Sometimes being heard is the most healing thing.
Care for Yourself
Grief can be exhausting. Increase your resilience by:
- Getting enough sleep
- Moving your body (gentle exercise)
- Eating nourishing foods
- Limiting alcohol use
- Making time for quiet and/or mindfulnes
Adjust (or create) traditions
Rigid holiday expectations can intensify grief. Consider:
- Keeping some traditions that bring comfort or honor your loved one
- Modifying traditions that feel too painful right now
- Starting new traditions to honor your loved one, like lighting a candle, cooking their favorite dish or taking a quiet walk in their memory
Giving yourself permission to change things is an act of self-compassion and love.
Rember that healing is ongoing
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and holidays often bring up emotions that seem settled. This doesn’t mean that you’re going backwards, it’s simply part of loving someone who is no longer here.
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